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In her book We Have Always Lived in the Red and the Black, bell hooks notes that black women have always faced different challenges when it comes to casual sex than women of other races. This is particularly true for black women. From the moment the black woman was sold as property to the institution of slavery to the use of birth control to stop abortion, the common narrative has been that black bodies were not intended for reproduction.
And therefore, so goes the thinking, black women were fated to be sexually exploited by their master. And, as Madeline Strober’s notes, this still exists today.
And while many black women are believed to be impregnated by multiple partners, black women in monogamous relationships still fear rape and rejection. Hooking up can be safer than sleeping with your “husband,” but it’s still a very risky proposition for many black women.
Black women also face a greater risk of HIV/AIDS. It’s important to know your partner’s status and the status of the one you are about to have sex with, if you’re unsure of their status.
Talk about it. “It doesn’t matter if I am with a man or a woman, I feel that I am not supposed to put a condom in,” says Carmen, a 22-year-old single black woman. “My mother raised me to believe that my body is like a sacred temple. So if I’m raped, it’s because I didn’t ask nicely.”
Strober, the president and chief executive officer of the Ms. Foundation for Women, thinks that the responsibility of teaching each other how to have safe sex is a bit more complicated for black women.
“Women of color are dealing with a legacy of sexual exploitation,” Strober said. “Many of these women have witnessed or experienced the sexual assault or even the rape of their friends, sisters, and mothers.
“A lot of us grew up believing that ‘no’ only meant ‘wait until marriage.’ Or, if you were fortunate enough to have a sexual partner, it might mean,’spend a night in, but don’t touch.'”
Despite this legacy, Strober thinks that if women of color in monogamous relationships still have these same views, the belief that black women are going to be the ones being exploited “will likely persist,” she says. “These ideas that are internalized, just as subtle as a societal double standard that say some women are now more sexually attractive, are still reinforced
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There are several reasons you might ask that question, and they’re not all the same.
1. Casual sex is bad if you have sex with people you don’t want to have sex with.
2. Casual sex is bad if you only do it with people you don’t like.
3. Casual sex is bad if you don’t care about the person you’re having sex with.
4. Casual sex is bad if you’re young, which you probably are if you’re reading this article.
5. Casual sex is bad if you have good reason not to want to have sex, and that reason is bigger than “I don’t really want to have sex with him.”
6. Casual sex is bad because people (mostly guys) always try to bullshit you into thinking they want to have sex with you but then never want to, and it’s maddening and makes you feel gross.
7. It’s bad because you never get to decide how much you like your hookup.
We now turn to the question itself, which can be somewhat nebulous. There are several issues at stake:
1. You may be developing a pattern of casual hookups (a form of sex that may or may not be sequential) that, if performed regularly, could have negative side effects on your health and well-being, your sex life, your finances, and the quality of the friendships you have. We’ll address each of these in turn.
2. You might be giving up one or more benefits you could enjoy if you were to commit to someone, even if the sex was random or casual.
If you are a lesbian, are aware that, when it comes to casual sex, you’re pretty much “trapped” in a monogamous relationship in which the woman who “donates” the sex does all the work.
Here are 10 tips to get you laid fast.
If you’re a somewhat inexperienced twentysomething and are desperate for some nookie, then you might be tempted to do something that’s not entirely lawful. That is to say: Hire a hooker.
Of course, it’s not entirely illicit to put a price on your or someone else’s body, and good hookers are known to charge well. But there are other reasons why you might think a cheap or even free hookup could be in order, including your own interests. Perhaps you’re just looking for a no-strings-attached adventure. Or maybe you just want to test the
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